What Am I Doing

Deadlines? Oh boy. This, is indeed a topic that I have much experience with, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm good with them. My relationship with deadlines could be described as chaotic, disorderly, unpredictable, and entropic. I recall my early years of high school, in which my ability to meet these looming endpoints called deadlines was pretty straightforward. Be given an assignment, be told when the assignment is due by,  do the assignment by that date, and hand it in. As my years in this penitentiary have passed, the deadlines became looser, and my ability to meet them became more and more relaxed, until senior year when it seemed I had dug myself into a grave and promptly sat in it waiting for someone else to start shoveling dirt onto me. I've found that this is what it feels like to be behind. I've spent many hours contemplating as to why I would do such a thing to myself, surely I have enough free time to complete things. Much of my time from elementary school to now was spent being praised for being a prodigy, which unfortunately gave me the idea that I was above doing the menial tasks I was presented in school. An existential crisis did not help this situation, as I was left asking questions such as "why am I doing this?", "what is the point?", and of course " We're all gonna die anyways, why should I waste my time working on these mediocre assignments for someone else when I could be enjoying my time here on this rock floating through space we call Earth?". Perhaps I had spent too much time around stoned college drop-outs. Yeah, that was probably it.
The point is, deadlines remained important even though my views on them deemed them unimportant. Now that I've been accepted into my top school, I've started to realize that I really need to stop fucking around with deadlines. They're here for a reason, and they'll probably be here for the rest of my miserable life. As Mr. Carver says, "You know you're an adult when you're miserable all of the time." Though I would probably never admit it to Mr. Carver, this statement really helped me realize that I am not the only one on this Earth that feels things such as this, and this is all inevitable so I should really stop fighting it. I've found that it helps me to divide my work into smaller tasks, and create checklists out of them. If you look at all your work as one big task, you'll probably be too overwhelmed to do it. But, if you can complete one part of the task at a time, it feels as though you're completing more tasks than you actually are. Thus, an increase in one's self esteem and ability to complete work. Even though every single student hates to hear these words, you can do so much if you just apply yourself and stop spending all of your time watching Breaking Bad.